How to find the right mate for marriage – Part 1

Finding the right mate has always been a challenge for many. Reasons being that what we see of someone in plain sight may not be who they really are as an individual. Also a person’s character cannot be measured in a day, a week, a month, or a year. It takes time to get to know someone. People can also change overtime. Nevertheless, even though this is true, there is still a fundamental way for one to find a right and suitable mate for marriage that is based on a biblical foundational assessment, faith, and trust in God. However, equally important to finding the right mate is for the one searching to also be a great match for the suitable qualities they are looking for. Also both parties should be equally yoked spiritually, teachable, and willing to make necessary changes and adjustments as needed to maintain a healthy and productive relationship that will last a lifetime.

So when and where do we start looking for the right mate? This is a good first question to answer because it requires one to be realistic about the right timing in one’s life to seek, find or be found, approach or attract, obtain or accept, study, relate to, and commit to the right mate. While you are pondering on the answer for this question, it is also important to understand that marriage is a Godly institution that has set rules and standards for men and women that should be respected and followed. Furthermore, understanding, accepting, and exercising those rules and standards are crucial to one’s survival in marriage. When such rules and standards are not respected and followed, the outcomes of that marriage can be devastating – filled with regrets, hurts, pains, anger, frustrations, conflicts, losses, and at worst – a divorce.

Now, to further clarify the above paragraph, more personal answers are needed as preliminary knowledge to answer my first question on timing and place for finding the right mate. So respectfully, kindly answer the second question – do you have problems following Godly rules and standards for your own personal day to day life? If you do, then finding the right mate for marriage is not for you at this current time. You will prevent a lot of hurt to yourself and the other party if you are honest with yourself about not following God’s rules and standards for living a good life and taking good care of yourself first. By this statement, you should realized that if you are not doing right by God and yourself plus being rewarded, then what makes you think that you will follow Godly rules and standards for the way you should treat another that results in them being pleased? Don’t be mad at me for saying this, I am telling you the truth. In fact, I am pleading with everyone reading this blog and are looking for the right mate, to first examine yourselves. While we are reasoning on this subject, please also think seriously about the way that you are living. A love and respect for God and self must come first before we can love and respect others. This leads to the third, fourth, and fifth questions: are you happy about the decisions and choices that you have made in your life thus far, and where you have arrived in life today? What are the fruits that you have produced and are currently producing?Are you enjoying them? Because if you are not pleased with yourself and the fruits that you have produced thus far and you are not enjoying them, then how can you expect someone else to be pleased with you, those fruits, and enjoy them as well?

In Conclusion, finding the right mate and having a good marriage all depends on us having a good relationship with God – loving and respecting him as well as ourselves first. By having a relationship with God we are being obedient to him and setting up a Godly foundation for ourselves, our future mate, and later on for our children that will last a lifetime. It is through one’s connection to God and understanding self through him that one can begin to understand their life’s purpose – connect and relate that purpose to another and vice versa. Be and stay blessed!

Written By: Iodelle A. Chinnery